Saturday, December 24, 2011

The Big Question

I don't know what this blog will be about but I think that it is a nice transition from my hard journal I was keeping.  Besides I can type faster than I can write.  I've never read or looked a blog, so I'm not sure how they are supposed to be structured.  Am I supposed to vary the font size and type at various points to make it aesthetically pleasing?

I guess that this is characteristic of me. I have a lot of questions and am unsure about most things.  Needless to say I have confidence issues if I have trouble making even trivial assertions.  I'm a smart guy, at least that is what people say, though they wouldn't point it out if I was stupid, so I'm unsure.

I envy people that are able to be decisive.  People that can not no the truth but be sure about their beliefs have a quality that I envy.  Even when I'm 99% about being right, I won't push my stance if someone disagrees.  There are very rare instances where I do push my points, but most of the time I just give up.

Maybe I just don't care enough about anything to take any real stance.  That's probably true.   I don't trust my judgement to believe anything or have faith in anything or anyone.  Recently I've had this internal mantra of, "I don't trust [person] anymore".  I don't know why or when it started (it's relatively new),  but I've noticed that I don't trust anyone.

That's misleading.  I trust people, but I have no faith in them.   I don't expect them to be there for me if I need them.  This prevents me from getting really close to people.  I've worked on this a lot this year, but still feel I have a far way to go.

I guess my big questions are:
What is the point of life?
What should I believe in?
How can I trust people?
What should I do with my life?
What is real and lasting?

There are a lot more and I should, can, and probably will write a lot on each of those questions.

Others' advice is welcomed.

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